When I was a kid back in the 1960s, there was a Simon & Garfunkle song called “Keep The Customer Satisfied”.  Some of the lyrics are actually depressing, but part of the chorus popped into my mind today when I was handling a problem with a customer’s order:

Just trying to keep my customers satisfied,
Satisfied.

The problem, in this case, was that the customer had ordered several bottles of RUSH a few weeks back.  When he received them, he said, they didn’t smelll right, had an off color, and so on.  I hear about problems like this once in awhile, and when I do I try to work with the customer to come up with the right way to resolve the problem, keep him happy, and keep him coming.  You are important to me, because this business exists only because of you: “Just trying to keep my customers satisfied.”

A bigger problem, though, is that I’d heard from more than one customer in the last week or so about problems like this with their orders.  There were questions about whether I’d changed vendors, whether the product was genuine, and basically, “What happened?”

The answer, quite frankly, is I’m not sure.  I am using the same vendors I have for years, and in the case of RUSH and the other PWD brands, they are shipped to me directly from the Pac West Distributors warehouse.  (Yes, that’s what “PWD” stands for…)  It’s possible that there were some old bottles in one batch.  More likely, they may have become overheated, either in shipment from PWD in Indianapolis to me in Houston, or from me in Houston to my customers.

Regardless, I count on having a number of loyal and satisfied customers who keep coming back to shop with me again and again.  I don’t want to let you down, and whenever problems like this happen, I want to hear about it so that I can make it right.

The way to do that is to send me an email.  You can reply to your Order Confirmation email, or you can use the “Contact Us” form on the GayHankies.com web site.  Don’t look for a phone number.  That’s because there is no “us,” really, there’s only me, running a one-man business from home.  Using email instead of the phone is one of the things that allows me to manage my time and also do my consulting/programming work.  If I took questions or orders over the phone, I wouldn’t be able to get your orders shipped, the inventory restocked, or all my other work done.

When you send me an email, I’ll read it and reply as soon as I can.  That isn’t always as soon as I see it, but sometimes it is, even at night or odd times of day.  And sometimes it’s when I fit it in around my other responsibilities.  One thing you can count on is that I’ll get back to you, usually within the next day if not sooner.  And if you have a problem with your order, we’ll work out a solution.

“Keep the customer satisfied”  – Yes, SIR!

Bob

Looking for your latest newsletter with discounts and promos?  This month I’ve been working instead on some improvements to make GayHankies.com both faster and with more secure.  This included revisions for the Apache web server software, the PHP programming language, the MySQL database configuration, and the SSL secure sockets layer configuation.

If you’ve not signed up for the newsletter, try it now.  I promise I won’t send you SPAM or bombard you with email.  I will be sending out an offer to my newsletter customers by the end of this week, and my February discount and promo offers will appear there first, before anyone else sees them.

Coming up, I’m working on bringing you a new online store called Poppers Etc. Stay tuned for developments, and thanks for your support.

Missing your newsletter about specials and offers?  This month I’ve been concentrating on some upgrades for the backend software of this web site.  Business is slow — perhaps we’re all hibernating a little in the chilly winter.

Stay tuned for a new offer in a few weeks.

Yesterday afternoon I heard from a customer who let me know that I’d shipped his package to the wrong address.  As soon as I saw his email, I stopped what I was doing and looked into it.  Sure enough, I made the mistake, and he had missed out on two bottles of Jungle Juice.

I make a lot of mistakes, actually, more than my family, friends, clients, and past co-workers realized.  I’ve always told people that I’ve learned more from my mistakes than from the anything I do right.  You can’t learn anything from being perfect all the time.  Yes, I was one of those irritating people who made all A’s except for two B’s in college.  That’s another story.

Then I joined the workforce all those years ago, and I found that “real life” was a lot more complex than the classroom.  And I learned to welcome every mistake, however painful, admiting them immediately and then making corrections.  Or even better, I learned to tell my boss, “Look, I made this mistake and I corrected it, and now the program is better than it was…”  I got a reputation as a problem-solver and fix-it man, but all of that came with the knowledge that finding a solution sometimes meant trying ten different solutions — all of them wrong — and then trying the one that worked.

Fast forward years later, and now I work by myself, for myself, in my own home-office.  And I’d made a mistake, and this customer didn’t get what he should have had.

Once I had a chance to figure out what happened, I contacted the customer, apologized, and told him I would send him replace product in the morning.  He doesn’t know it yet, but I’ve sent him a little something extra in his package to emphasize how sorry I am and to make up for his trouble.

So all’s well that ends well.  Until next time.

The 20% SUMMERBLOWOUT discount is ending in just a few days.  Be sure to take advantage of it before it expires. To get the discount, be sure to click through this link and read and follow the instructions.  You can keep using it until the end of August, but the discount does not happen automatically.  You do have to put it on your order during the checkout process.

While I have your attention, take a moment to look at the Poppers And Your Health page that I’ve just added to the web site.  Putting this information here was prompted by some very thoughtful questions from a gentleman in San Francisco (more on this later).  While I may (or may not) be your Daddy, I’m not your nanny and I’m not here to dictate how you live your life or how you have sex.  The health information is presented for you, so that you can make responsible and educated decisions.

I’ve heard from a couple of customers who failed to get their 20% SUMMERBLOWOUT discount.  One was quite irate, another was very friendly and understanding.  Before you shop, if you want to get the discount, be sure to click through this link and read and follow the instructions.  You can keep using it on as many orders as you want, all month long, but the discount does not happen automatically.  You do have to put it on your order during the checkout process.

And by the way, no I’m not giving away free bottles of Rush or Amsterdam.  That yellow box that appears when you get into the online store is telling you that if you buy Rush, then you will receive free condoms.   It’s written again on the Rush product page.  Anyhow…

As far as irate customers go, I’ve had one or two in my time.  Most of them don’t realize that GayHankies.com is actually just one person.   They seem to think there is some “company” here that’s making stupid mistakes or is out to take advantage of them.  Of course, they’re frustrated, and they don’t know it’s just me on the other end of the email.  I’m doing the best I can, and I’m being as careful and as patient as possible.  And yes, I do refund people’s money from time to time, sort of like a small-scale kinky Nordstrom, just to keep them happy and keep them coming back.

Unfortunately, I cannot make your experience perfect.  I can’t guarantee that any bottle of poppers that you buy won’t give you a headache, nor that it will be strong enough to satisfy, nor that it will stay fresh as long as you and I would like.  I can’t guarantee that the dildo you buy won’t be too big or too small, or that the suction cup will stick wherever you want to place it.  I can’t match prices.  I can’t keep the lube from drying out, nor from running out at the most inconvenient moment.

What I can do is listen to you, honestly and fairly, and do my best to fix the problems and satisfy your needs.  And of course, I make mistakes, and I do my best to correct them and learn from them.

This business is built on a small group of very loyal customers — you know who you are — and I’m very grateful to be able to think of you as friends unmet.

Surprise!  A tropical storm came out of nowhere and is coming to our neighborhood on Tuesday, possibly as a hurricane.  There is a possibility that I will not be able to ship orders that day.

Although we moved 50 miles inland last year and are no longer in a storm surge zone, there’s a possibility of power outages and other disruptions which would prevent me from taking care of your orders.  I appreciate your patience with whatever develops.

This week I’ve had several cases of orders submitted with invalid credit card information. Seeing this, I went back over my records and discovered that over 3% of the orders entered over the last couple years have had this problem. This is not necessarily a case of a credit card being overlimit or fraudulent or anything like that. What typically happens is that when going through the checkout process, someone accidentally puts in a bad expiration date.

Usually I discover this the following morning when I’m reviewing the orders and credit-card authorizations, and it’s only then that I can contact the customer and let them know that their card didn’t work. For privacy reasons, I do this by email. I don’t want to disturb you at home or out you to your family or roommates or whoever. I also don’t store your credit card information, except for the last four digits of the card number and the expiration date. Again, this is for your protection. With all of this, the order usually is delayed a couple of days until the customer gets the email and re-enters the corrected information on this web site.

Did you know that I’m also the one who does the custom program modifications for this web site? I wish I had time to re-program the software so that it would process credit-cards “in real time” and let you know immediately, while you are at the checkout, if you make a typo or a mistake. Unfortunately that isn’t feasible right now. What I can do, though, is ask you to double-check your order before you hit that “Submit” button to finalize it. Making sure that all your information is accurate will also make sure that you get your package ASAP.

This month I’ve been running a special on RUSH and other small PWD-brand poppers. All of the small bottles regularly $7.99 are on sale for $7.49, fifty cents off. When you factor in free shipping and delivery right to your door — hey, who wants to use that four-dollar-a-gallon gasoline to drive across town to buy poppers? — this is quite a deal. But time is running out. Take advantage of this deal no later than May 31, or else you’ll miss out.

And why miss out, anyhow? Some of my customers learned about the savings early on, and some of them have come back several times to order a few more bottles. How to get the word? Simple. Sign up for the GayHankies.com email newsletter. When I have a deal like this, it’s offered to the newsletter customers first, and and only after that through other channels. There’s another special coming up in a few days, but if you’re not getting the newsletter, you probably won’t know about it for awhile.

Don’t miss out. If you’re not receiving the newsletter, click here to get in on the deals that help you get in on the fun.